HOLIDAY TRADITIONS AS A DOMESTIC NOVICE
Updated: Nov 22, 2019
Something that no one told me about the transition from dating to marriage is that when you go from girlfriend to wife, there's this idea that you wake up the morning after your wedding as some sort of transformed super woman who can cook, clean, probably sew, possibly even use a crockpot. Someone even sent us a spiralizer after our wedding. If I knew what that was, I would not be writing this post. The only time I grace the kitchen with my presence is to visit the Nespresso. Dan does the cooking in our house. Anyways, baking things Pillsbury probably makes better is a holiday tradition in my family, as it is for most families, so I wanted to share some tips for anyone else out there looking to participate in a family tradition with minimal effort and absolutely no relevant skill set.
The very important "dont's" of cookie day:
1. Do NOT volunteer to host. You may think this is an easy way to involve yourself in the festivities, but you will quickly learn that there is much more to baking than plugging in the dusty KitchenAid. When I heard my mom ask my aunt where she could pulse her walnuts, I realized that I will never own the necessary gadgets to support the baking ambitions of a group of women who have been waiting all year for this opportunity to show off their new Wilton cookie press. So much more ergonomic that the Cuisinart.
2. Do NOT volunteer to go to the store. Again, this may sound like an easy way to make yourself useful without having to actually touch a baked good, but unless you know where your local Kroger keeps the matcha powder and the kirsch, this is another step that is best left to the pros. You don't want to be the sucker getting dirty looks when Aunt Karen has to hand blanch the almonds because you bought raw.
3. Do NOT man the mixer, unless you have a different definition for nappe than I do. You'll have the chalky consistency of grandpa's favorite meringue on your conscience for the next 365 days if you're lucky and otherwise for all of eternity if he kicks the bucket before next Christmas.
4. Don't do the sifting. It does look simple but you will get a hand cramp and it won't go away and then you'll just cheat and dump the sugar and pretend it's been sifted but Karen will know exactly who is responsible for the lumps in her cocoa balls and you may never see your little cousins again.
I could go on with the things you are likely to screw up (not even going to start on the rolling pin) but you get the gist. Don't touch anything.
Fortunately for me, my family knows what they can expect me to bring to the table (literally) when it comes to any tradition that involves time in the kitchen. I play DJ and cocktail waitress. I keep the Mariah Carey tracks coming and ensure that no one's wine glass ever dips below half full. Turns out, people like the person with the alcohol even better than they like the person who didn't burn the caramel. So, you can still win at cookie day even if you're more Barefoot Moscato than Barefoot Contessa.
I hope you're enjoying all of your favorite traditions this December and spending lots of time with your people who love you exactly as you are, even enough to let you lick the spoon.